Issue #1 |

My MooLatte

I got a pedicure with my friend Tom yesterday at the mall

we’re super special MooLatte lovers and I’m his little dandelion

I love him! I wish we were more

but I’m fine with what we are

it’s good all around


Tom and I went to New York

the guy that gave me my MooLatte was Indian and grinned at me

then we got chased down by park rangers

then we walked back 2 tha cottage & we ate dinner

well everyone ate basically except me

through the rest of the trip I totally spaced

it was okay I guess but whatever


hahahahha I love you

I’m gonna think of you while I’m molesting my MooLatte

gah, I am so excited for it

yeah, I have relationships with it

no, I’m not a cow

shut the fuck up to be exact

I’ll stab you with my MooLatte bitch!


I just go by this

a MooLatte is my bong

which is why you’ll never see me throwing my MooLatte at a paparazzi

because I need my protein or whatever

and they are just doing their job


I am just sitting here by myself thinking deep thoughts

and listening to my new Led Zeppelin CD


I thoroughly enjoyed my little bike ride

I came home and had to scan something for my mom

which made me happy

probably crazy-hyper-happy


my MooLatte gave me a little stomachache and my dress looked hot

like a page ripped from a beautiful novel

since I was dying I chugged a glass of milk and sat down

but no one wants to hear my tragic MooLatte story

K. Silem Mohammad is an American poet and Professor of Creative Writing at Southern Oregon University. He is one of the Flarf poets. He is the author of several books of poetry, including Deer Head Nation, A Thousand Devils, Breathalyzer, and The Front.  

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