Dear University Office of Risk Management

Dear University Office of Risk Management

Please do not be concerned about the fire alarm that was pulled in the library last Thursday afternoon: I did this to test our evacuation procedures. I was concerned that there had not been a single drill this semester. In the event of a real emergency, everybody should have had ample practice navigating escape routes. I learned the benefit of having an exit strategy mapped out long ago, the summer I lit a fire in my brother’s closet—right before he was sent away. A disorderly evacuation of campus might not only lead to confusion but also distract me from my work: a book-length study on monstrosity, which, Derrida posits, permits us to understand conventions by transgressing them. I hope that last Thursday’s drill proved useful to everyone. Please be advised that, in the interest of preparedness, I will initiate additional simulations throughout the remainder of the semester.

Sincerely,

Dr. Noel Sloboda
Researcher in the Humanities

This piece is part of a chapbook, Risk Management Studies, from Kattywompus Press